Era had seen more than she had expected at the peace conference.
There was nothing remarkable, per se, about running into other Nations there. They were all naturally very interested in the outcome of that meeting; there was no shortage of reasons for any of them to be there. Who wouldn't want to know what the new order of the world was going to look like? Who wouldn't want every chance to tilt that order a little bit in their own favor? For that matter, who wouldn't want to see how the other Nations were holding up?
She hadn't even been surprised to see that several (...okay, most, if not all) of them were still nursing battle wounds. What else would you expect, when they had all just finished having a world war?
The part that had surprised her was the condition that a certain cousin of hers appeared to be in. She had seen Lovino only from a distance, but the hard-won (albeit involuntarily learned) wisdom of the past few years suggested to her that those were most likely not souvenirs of battles that she could see on his face...
It was a few days later, now. Era hadn't had a chance to speak to Lovino at the conference itself, so she had waited for Feliciano to go on a "business trip," as it were, and then taken ship for Italy from the port she still insisted on thinking of as Vlorë even though all new maps had it marked down as "Valona." She still found it extraordinary how easy travel was in these days; there was a time, well within Era's memory, when sailing had been a huge undertaking from which there was no guarantee of return, even for their kind, and now it was stunningly easy to hop on a ferry in the morning, spend the day in Italy, and there was next to no question that she would make it home by next lunchtime. It was even quicker and easier for those who had the money to take an airplane; Era did not, and she wasn't sure she would have dared even if she had, but it was still a reality, and one that boggled her mind.
She knew where Lovino lived. The roads there were often quite beautiful, the Italian countryside so much like her own; she would have liked to take the time to walk all that way, but time was moderately valuable right now since she needed to be home before Feliciano's trip ended. A cab it was, then: expensive by her lights, but not so much so that it wouldn't be worth it. She could still see the roads and the landscape going by outside, anyway.
In front of her cousin's home, she paid the cabdriver and thanked him in her best Italian (which was perfectly adequate for such purposes, at least), and then approached the door and knocked firmly. She hoped she had calculated correctly, and that Lovino was both home and willing to speak with her...
{Thread title, taken from the lyrics of the song "Suus" by Rona Nishliu, translates roughly to "The best I know how to do now"}
Post by Southern Italy on Jan 28, 2017 7:29:57 GMT -7
The peace conference, in all honesty at least for the Southern Italian, was a joke; a waste of time. When he finally reached home that day, he was met with a very agitated Feliciano, that he tried to keep himself locked in the safety of his own room for the rest of the trip in Moscow. By the time he made it home to his lovely city of Rome, he was exhausted. He was just happy to finally be in a familiar setting where he knew where to go and places that could relax him just with the atmosphere itself. What also helped was the little cat that wandered about the house, occasionally letting out soft purring noises that would ease Lovino's stressed mind.
Added onto that, Lovino was glad that Feliciano was off to his own business trip almost as soon as they returned. He didn't necessarily question where the other had went; he was just happy that he was gone. He had the quiet home to himself, and though the bruises and cuts were still sore all over his body, he was managing himself quiet well... Well, physically, at least. Mentally he was a mess, emotionally he was a wreck. The only thing that was keeping him stable was the idea that, Feliciano wasn't going to be back yet. The Northern Italian was far away, and Lovino was free of the man's watching glares. He didn't even bother covering up the bruises that littered his skin from head to toe, as he usually would to try to not look too pathetic in front of the younger brother. The big purple on on his right cheek was the most noticeable one as of now; Lovino was sure once his brother came back from the trip, there would be more to paint his tanned skin.
He had woken up that morning and after a small struggle to get somewhat of a breakfast prepared with the limited food supply, was relaxing on the couch, taking an easy day for himself. It was very much needed, and the feline even joined him from time to time to just sit on his lap and let out a range of purring noises, almost as if it was singing. The thought by itself was enough to help Lovino feel at ease that, he was almost falling asleep on the couch when he heard the firm knocking on his door, making him jolt awake and yelp in pain when the movement caused one of the several bruises to be pressed up against. Hissing out a pained breath between his gritted teeth, Lovino slowly staggered up and waddled awkwardly to the door with a limp. He kept reminding himself to have to go and see the doctor about his right ankle, but every time he had the chance, he found himself using the free intervals just trying to catch up on sleep or stunned in pain itself. Because of this, he had yet to take care of it; he was quite sure he was limping at the peace conference as well. How pathetic.
By the time he finally reached the door and peeked out the peeping hole, Lovino was out of breath, mostly due to the pain that shot through his body with all movements. Walking was one he struggled with the most, and the damned place of a house he lived in had to have the living room and front door so far apart. He blinked a few times in confusion at who he saw through the hole and unlocked the door, opening it, leaning up against it for the sake of his own balance and support. It helped his ankle have to take less weight, and that certainly helped with the pain, no doubt.
"Era...?" He asked, surprise clear in his voice. He didn't expect a visit from his brother's wife, of all people... Sure they were cousins as well, but... "What... Are you looking for Feliciano? He isn't here. Try coming back in a few days, I'm sure he'll be back then..." Just the thought of his brother returning sent chills up Lovino's spine, but he tried to ignore it, and tried to give the other a small smile of reassurance instead. "Mi dispiace... I know it was probably some trip here but..."
As Lovino opened the door, Era got a much better look at his condition than she had managed at the conference, and her heart twisted. The poor man seemed to be struggling even to stand up, and the bruises she had suspected were very much visible at this range. If there was any merit to her educated guess about how he had gotten that way...
Feliciano was a living misfortune, it seemed, a curse that had fallen on both of them. Between half-suicidal tactics in war and casual violence in everyday life, being too close to him kept turning into injuries. Era had been lucky lately, in that her husband's attention had been elsewhere, but "elsewhere" apparently included his own elder brother.
In a terrible way, it made sense to her that Feliciano hurt her. She understood about men who were cruel to their wives, about what happened to women whose husbands didn't care whether they lived or died. It was still terrible and cruel, but at least that was a known evil, one that she had seen before and understood as a phenomenon. But she couldn't imagine why a man would treat his own brother in such a way. The concept was utterly alien to her, on many levels, everything from how they had just had a war and wouldn't Lovino be needed for the work of rebuilding? to the fact that brothers just... shouldn't be like that. It just wasn't... wasn't right, wasn't respectful, wasn't good sense either.
Era thought of her own brother. She couldn't imagine hurting him, unless it was by accident. It was just so impossible that she would ever seriously want to do him harm, much less act on such a desire. She couldn't imagine him hurting her either; she hoped that he still felt the same way...
Lovino seemed to think that she wanted to see Feliciano. Era was well aware that the Northern Italian was out for a few days, and returned the smile that her cousin gave her. "Actually, I wanted to see you, kushëri," she corrected him gently, hoping that he would recognize the Albanian word for "cousin." "I saw you at the conference, and you didn't look so well. I wanted to be sure you were okay." She looked him in the eye.
"What happened to you?"
It would be silly for him to deny it, when he was clearly having trouble walking, but then Era knew better than to underestimate the power of pride in a situation like this. It was completely possible that he would try anyway.
Post by Southern Italy on Jan 29, 2017 7:22:50 GMT -7
To hear that the other was here to visit him was something Lovino was not expecting. He found himself frowning in confusion and pushing himself up awkwardly from leaning against the door, using the wall behind instead to stabilize his own limping problem. Regardless, he gave way for her to enter the rather messy shared house of his and his brother's, just as he felt her eyes look into his own. Lovino was quick to break the connecting looks, shifting his own eyes to the floor. Only once she would let herself into the house would he close the door behind her and force out a grin.
"I'm fine," he started, cursing mentally when he remembered they couldn't just stand at the door. One way or another, Lovino had to lead Era into the living room... Which would require more painful walking. Honestly if she wasn't here, he rather just crawled like some dog; it would at least avoid putting weight on the damned ankle of his. "What..." He asked at first, before the question asked finally settled into his mind long enough for him to hastily rush out a reply that, without thought, would hopefully make well enough for an excuse. "Oh. Just battle wounds. You know, was busy with war and all..."
He tried to play it off as simply as he could at first. Hopefully she would buy the obvious lie that was practically hissed out from between his clenched teeth. At the moment, the black eye, the bruises aching all over, none of that mattered. He was just trying to think of a way to get to the living room with as less pain as possible. The solution was an easy yet awkward one; he used his hand to lean up against the walls leading to the main room and grinned behind himself to her.
"Here... Let me get you a seat. It's a mess but... Don't worry about stepping on shit scattered about. The stuff on the floor is most likely covered in cat hair by now anyway." He said just as the brown tabby cat came forward, curious of the visitor. Lovino moved around the small animal, limping already once more, wincing at each step he took. He had to take the pain killers soon, or he was sure the pain would make him go insane. "...Era, I know it's rude to not treat you with something to drink, you being a visitor and all but... There really isn't much I can offer right now."
Lovino seemed so surprised that Era had come to see him. Wasn't it only the right thing for her to do? Shouldn't he have expected a visit at some point? It stung a bit that he thought so little of her that he would be confused by her concern for him, but the sting was overwhelmed by a wave of sadness for the Italian. She hadn't been able to get out here in a while, mostly because of the war; had no one else managed it either? Had her cousin become so unaccustomed to the idea that somebody cared about him?
He lied. Era knew perfectly well that Lovino was lying to her, when he told her that he was fine except for "just battle wounds." She frowned slightly. "What, and they wouldn't even let you have a cane to use while you recover?" she asked softly. It was so obvious that he was in pain, so much pain that Era herself ached to see him. She didn't want to add insult to agonizingly literal injury, but she couldn't stand to see him suffering so badly...
A solution occurred to her. She took her cousin's arm in a courtly gesture, one that suggested that he was escorting her, but braced herself in a way that made a tacit invitation for him to lean some of his weight on her. Maybe it wasn't much, but she wanted to help if she could.
The cat that came to inspect her was lovely. Era liked cats, especially tabbies; she bent down just enough to extend a hand and let the cat sniff. "What a nice cat," she observed pleasantly.
When Lovino managed to get himself a seat, he apologized for not being able to offer a drink. "Oh, don't worry about that," she assured him hastily. "I'm fine right now anyway. If I can help you at all, though... please let me know."
She took a seat opposite him, and eyed her cousin thoughtfully. "You know, Lovino," she mused, "it's been a while since we've seen each other, hasn't it?" Carefully, she pulled the hem of her black skirt just high enough to expose an ugly bullet scar on her shin. That one had broken her leg; if she remembered correctly, it had been retaliation for her perceived laziness in trying to avoid being forced to fight against her other cousin Greece. That she might have genuine moral objections to such a thing hadn't even been considered, nor would they have been treated as valid even if the possibility had been raised: she was fairly certain of that.
"Are you sure those are battle scars you're wearing? Because you aren't the only one who's been in the same room as Feliciano when he's angry..."
Post by Southern Italy on Feb 9, 2017 7:50:00 GMT -7
Ever since the end of the world war, Lovino had not been getting many visitors at all. It wasn't to say there were zero, since every now and then he had someone drop by to try and negotiate plans with him, but the sad reality was, almost all of the focus was instead on his brother. Feliciano was the one in the spotlight, the one that shone in the crowds as the leader of the Italian Empire. It was a miracle when Lovino himself was remembered by the others, so when Era said she came to visit him and not his brother, the Southern Italian no doubt couldn't hide the surprise on his face.
He frowned at her comment back at his childish lie of wearing battle wounds regarding the lack of providence of a cane, and simply let out a bitter chuckle at it. No, a cane was not provided; of course it wasn't. His brother couldn't be that kind, could he? Not that even if he did, Lovino would've accepted it, seeing help was the last thing he wanted from the dearest younger brother of his when he himself was the one that caused all the injuries to begin with. The elder Italian kept silent of such comments though and simply shrugged at the question, and by the time he turned to start walking back, avoiding the feline that made his way over, he was mentally cursing at himself.
He needed to find a better way to come up with excuses regarding his injuries.
What Lovino didn't expect however was help from the female nation, as she hurried over and took his arm suddenly. The Italian couldn't help but to yelp out in pain when it caused him to have to shift his weight awkwardly at first in a stumble, but once he noticed she was going to help hold up his weight, he averted his gaze hesitantly. Regardless, he took the silent offer of help gratefully and leaned against her as they both made their way to the sofas in the living room. The male dropped himself on the cusioned seat and winced, doing all he could to not shove the cat that followed them away from jumping onto his bruised lap as well. "...!"
A small smile of relief was shown on Lovino's face when he was told to not worry about getting her a drink. Thank goodness. He couldn't imagine having to get back up on his feet... So instead, he just relaxed onto the sofa, watching her with his hazel green eyes as she made her own way over to the seat opposite of him and sat down. At that, he noticed the cat move away from his own lap to go and perch next to his cousin, soft purring noises emitting from it's chest. Just watching the small animal was comforting enough as it was... It was only when the other spoke up that he was able to pull his attention away from the purring feline.
He nodded at first when she mentioned of them having not seen each other in a while, not quite sure if he was to feel guilty of it or not. Era seemed to have more business with his brother, not that it was really her fault, but because of that, Lovino tried to let her keep he distance from himself at the very least. After all, his brother was the husband of her's, not himself. Most problems seemed to just be between the two of them if any, so he thought it was better for himself to keep out. That resulted in, sadly, years of being unable to directly talk with one another... So when it was mentioned, all he could do was admit and agree as so with a silent nod.
Lovino's eyes then traveled down slightly to watch her pull up her black skirt slightly to expose her scar. He couldn't help but to mentally wince at the obvious idea of where the scar came from, and who exactly caused it. And with that, he quickly tore his own vision away from it, to his own hands. The same hands that used to be held gently and carefully in Antonio's hands were now swollen and covered in cuts and bruises in various healing stages, and Lovino could only fear of the day the Spaniard would see them with his own eyes. Would he get angry? Would he cry? Would he just be disappointed in him? It was all a mystery, and one Lovino hoped he wouldn't have to see the answer to in the future.
"Are you sure those are battle scars you're wearing? Because you aren't the only one who's been in the same room as Feliciano when he's angry..."
Lovino couldn't help but to tense at that. His eyes swam from one side to another repeatedly as he tried to think of anything to convince her otherwise.
"S-Si... They're..." He started, but trailed off. He was exhausted... He was hurt of lying, of covering up... Was it worth it? Feliciano wasn't here, was he...? And even if he was... What would he really do in the end? Just beat him more? "...I..."
But it was beyond difficult. Admitting you're getting beaten up daily by your younger brother, the one that people all adored and called perfect... Lovino was afraid Era would turn and tell Feliciano of him. At this point, he wasn't sure who he was able to trust, as the ones who he had done so either fell into his brother's violent fits of rage or decided to just ignore his pleas of help. There were also those dumb guards, whatever his clown of a boss wanted to call them, that were lurking around taking notes to things being said. Overwhelmed with fear of losing or hurting Era as well, Lovino brought his hands to his face and fell silent, trying to stiffle his soft weeps as he tried to answer her.
"...They're battle wounds, I swear. If that's all you wanted to check up on about, then go the fuck home."
He was fucking trapped anyway, wasn't he? Why drag others into this damn mess?
Era knew perfectly well that she was being lied to.
She hated lies, but she thought she understood why her cousin was trying to pass this one off on her. They all had their pride, and clearly Lovino's was only just barely holding on after how poorly he had been treated. Era could sympathize, at least to a certain extent. She knew well how difficult it was to hold on when one had so little left. Faking it might be their only option sometimes.
Still, she wanted to help, if she could. Lovino was one of the few relatives she had, and one of even fewer with whom she had no quarrel. Admittedly, she cringed when her attempt to offer her arm as a support apparently hurt him further, but a moment later he accepted it, and his gait seemed to be at least a little less pained after that. She hoped she was helping. Surely it was more helpful than certain others she might name had been, at least.
The cat met with Era's approval, but when it jumped into Lovino's lap, he showed obvious signs of pain. The Albanian noticed this and worried. Her cousin must be even worse off than he appeared to be to the casual observer, if that hurt too...
The cat came over to visit her, and Era began to pet it. She really did like cats, and it was always delightful when one of them returned the affection. It was so calming to have a purring cat lying next to her, and that helped her keep her head when her cousin repeated his lie.
It was still disappointing, particularly when he told her she ought to leave. "Do you really think so little of me?" she wanted to know, trying with partial success to keep her sadness at the prospect off her face. "I... I thought you were too good to lie to me like this... but sure, I'll pretend that I believe you, if that makes you happy. I've missed you. That's really why I'm here."
She saw, then, that he was crying, in the secretive way that boys sometimes do when they think they have something to be ashamed of, and she halfway wished she hadn't spoken in quite that way. Era carefully got up and crossed over to sit nearer to him.
"Më vjen keq, kushëri." I'm sorry, cousin. She thought of saying more, but further words seemed insufficient for the time being. Instead, she laid her hand very gently in his back, in a comforting gesture that she hoped wouldn't hurt him.
Post by Southern Italy on Feb 18, 2017 8:06:28 GMT -7
Of course Lovino didn't think little of his relative. Era was one of them that Lovino himself didn't have many issues with, and her help was greatly appreciated when provided. But at the same time, Era was also in no position to be helping others herself, either, and the Italian was aware of this. His brother was not one that left her in a easy position after all the chaos of the war, and Lovino knew this all too well. So when she questioned him after his small outburst of telling her to leave, Lovino gulped between his weakened weeps, uncertain of how to respond to it.
"I-... I don't, but..."
"I... I thought you were too good to lie to me like this... but sure, I'll pretend that I believe you, if that makes you happy. I've missed you. That's really why I'm here."
"..."
No, that didn't make him happy. It made nobody happy and they were most likely both aware of that fact. That didn't stop Lovino from not telling the truth by opening up to her either, however. He simply kept his face buried in his hands and continued his futile attempts at stifling his tears and sniffs. He himself would've looked at his own self as another and called him pathetic; crying in front of somebody else, a girl, at that.
But the last few months have been particularly rough on the Italian. After his brother discovered of his notes and records of his plans to ditch the Italian empire in the middle of the wars in Greece, Feliciano had kept a close eye on him and saw pain at a fit punishment for misbehavior. And boy, did Lovino misbehave quite often. Too often, for Feliciano's liking, apparently.
He flinched when Era moved herself to sit closer to him, the movement alone startling the already jumpy male. He visibly tensed instinctively and began shaking more, it only adding onto the soft trembles that came naturally with his sobs. It all came to a halt, however, when a hand was laid on his back, momentarily making Lovino freeze up entirely in fear. The apology fell on deaf ears until the end syllable, in which Lovino's tensed body finally began to relax, returning to his previous soft shaking.
He wanted to beg for help. To ask for someone to wake Feliciano up from his insanity, to give him his life back of just peacefully living his days on the farm and sometimes being pestered by the cheerful younger sibling. But he knew better. Mussolini's dogs could be snooping around anywhere at any given time, that, pleading for help or saying anything that went against him, towards another nation at that, would be a dumb idea.
And as much as his brother liked to call him as so, Lovino did not want to consider himself dumb.
"...I'm not lying..." He could only whisper out in a mix of soft whimpers, his voice still trembling from it, "J-Just... Battle wounds... I swear... And... Y-You don't have to lie, I know most if not everybody comes here for him... I..."
And with that, he fell silent again, the thought of being alone flickering in his mind but he himself trying to ignore his own taunts. His fingers curled slightly after one traveled up to his forehead from his eyes, his teeth gritting. He... He had to stay damn positive, or he swore he was going to lose it. But the situation was not helping.
Era could see, much too clearly, that Lovino was breaking.
He was so jumpy, more so even then herself or her brother. Era knew what it meant, when someone jumped and flinched away from every touch like that. She had seen that in others so many times over the years; she understood why it happened...
And now she saw it also in herself.
Sure, Feliciano would never hit a girl -- he was chivalrous like that, he insisted -- but Era wished sometimes that he would. Just because he wouldn't hit her never stopped him from hurting her. It would be easier, more honest and less painful, if he would just drop the pretense and meet her on a more human level. Even if she would still be at a disadvantage, at least there were ways to minimize how badly harmed she might be by a hand or even a sword. That kind of mitigation just couldn't be done against a bullet.
In the present moment, though, Era sat with her cousin Lovino, the cousin she actually liked, leaving her hand gently resting on his back. She could feel him crying, more than she could see or hear it, and she wanted to comfort him as much as she could. What could she do? All she could think to do was to stay here and try to show without words that she cared.
The words that came out of her cousin's mouth were terrible, but Era didn't want to be angry with him, not now. She was lonely enough without blowing up and risking pushing him away. "Just battle wounds," he swore, and Era moved just a little closer.
"Sure. Battle wounds," she agreed quietly. "I won't ask whom you were fighting. But I can see that you were and are very brave." And she meant what she said there. It took courage to even keep going, at times like this. It took a particular kind of courage to stand up to an enemy who lived with you and had power over you; knowing this firsthand, Era honestly admired the Italian's ability to even keep going, and to keep up appearances despite all odds, under such circumstances.
It was admittedly even harder for Era to keep her composure when Lovino accused her of lying about her reasons for being here, but she reminded herself (without difficulty -- she could see it just by looking at him) of how broken he was. Surely he didn't mean it to be as bad as it sounded. And yet...
"What did I ever do to make you think that I would lie to you about such a thing?" Era asked, traces of her hurt audible in her voice despite her best efforts to keep it down. "When did I ever betray you like that? I hate lies. Why would I tell such a pointless one as that?"
She didn't realize at first that she had begun to cry. After all that had happened, she was beginning to lose track of her own feelings, having suppressed them so often. But when the first rapidly cooling drop of water hit her skirt, she realized that they were both crying now.
Era leaned towards her cousin and, as gently as she could, hugged him. She wished she could do more, that she could somehow make it all better for him, but at this point, this was the best she could do.
Post by Southern Italy on Mar 8, 2017 8:36:12 GMT -7
Lovino didn't expect Era to stay by his side even after his attempts of pushing her away with words. The hand that gently rested against his back stayed in position it was placed at the beginning, attempting to keep up the comforting gesture it was meant to provide. He admired her persistence as much as he despised it, seeing now he had to think of a way to get her to stop. To leave him alone, before they both would break down pathetically in the living room. It was only when Era scooted herself over slightly to move closer to him did he flinch again and reflexively tense his muscles in an alert manner, before they too eased and relaxed of their state right after.
"Sure. Battle wounds," Lovino breathed out a soft sigh of relief upon hearing the spoken words, his heart pounding in his chest, "I won't ask whom you were fighting. But I can see that you were and are very brave."
Brave...? That was not a word he was expecting to hear from her. The Italian was unsure whether it was used sarcastically or in honesty, but either way would've been painful anyway. Sarcastically of course meant she wouldn't think of it as such, hence putting Lovino's pride down further. Crushing it when it was already on the ground crumbling in pieces. Even if honesty, Lovino was unsure whether to take the words with a positive attitude or not. Both of them already knew who the assaulter was, and as much as the male wanted to deny it, it didn't change the truth glaring at them both. Feliciano--or rather, the monster he had became, was the one painting his skin dark blues and purples.
And nobody else seemed to care much for Lovino's stance as far, except maybe for a selected few. Sadly, Era was not one he counted in those selected thought of, so it was easier on him to accuse her of lying to him. That she honestly wasn't here for him, but rather, for her husband. Most people wanted more to do with Feliciano than Lovino; sadly this was just a clear fact. Why waste time with the empire ruler that held little to no power when instead one could save time and just talk to the one who held all the power instead? With his low self-esteem, it was easy to just assume such things. And when repeatedly proven to be correct it was harder to think otherwise. A lie would be an easier explanation to settle such confusion for Lovino, especially, at this point.
"What did I ever do to make you think that I would lie to you about such a thing?"
The voice came out hurt, and Lovino picked up on the tone almost immediately after it was spilled out. He couldn't help but to slowly peek out from behind his hands to the girl, his body back to the trembling mess he once managed to calm in the slightest. He opened his mouth to respond, but she seemed to have more to say before he could put his two cents into the question asked.
"When did I ever betray you like that? I hate lies. Why would I tell such a pointless one as that?"
That was when Lovino saw that his cousin was crying. The tears that rolled down her cheeks easily was visible under the light in the house, if anything making them stand out much more than if they were to be in the natural light outside. He closed his mouth to keep himself from responding, knowing at this point there was nothing he could say to stop her tears. They both needed the outlet, and it just so happened today was the day they were to let it be released. The feelings that they both bottled up and kept hidden from everybody else had to be liberated.
So when she moved to wrap her arms gently around him, Lovino allowed it to happen without his usual protests. If anything, he leaned in slightly against her support and gave off a small whimper, trying to come up with coherent words to respond to her inquiries regarding his assumption of lies. For now, an embrace was more than enough to keep them from breaking down further; or at least, for the Italian's case it was as so.
"Because... They all say the same thing. They all come here saying they care, that they want to help, but... They really want access to Feliciano. They want to know where he is, what he's doing, the date of his return he'll be back... Because in the end, it's all about him. That's all that matters, Era... They're all the same; they don't give a fuck about me. It's all about Feliciano."
And countries naturally were selfish beings. If it was themselves that were safe and satisfied, it didn't matter what happened to others... Right?
Every time Era thought she had a handle on how badly her cousin was doing, it turned out that Lovino was even worse off than she had previously assumed.
She couldn't deny that it hurt that he jumped straight to mistrusting her, but when he described his reasons for doing so, it made more sense -- and broke her heart all the more. How many people had betrayed him, then? How many times had he been hurt? What had come of that? She didn't dare ask outright; she didn't want him to have to tell her.
For a moment, though, Era felt like a little girl again, clinging (albeit gently) to her wounded cousin who was leaning back on her, and the feeling comforted her in a strange way. She had desperately needed a chance to cry, and Lovino was the best person she could think of to cry in front of: she couldn't afford to let Astrit see how distressed she was, not when she needed him to be innocent in the eyes of their formal "superiors" for as long as possible in order to protect them both, and she certainly didn't want Feliciano seeing for himself that his behavior was getting to her... Lovino, though, was in essentially the same boat as she was herself, knowing firsthand just how deeply wrong things had gone but apparently all but totally powerless to do anything about it. Era wanted to use that unfortunate bond between them, to help her cousin and perhaps bring herself a little comfort as well...
"You deserve better," Era murmured under her breath. "I'm sorry, cousin. You matter. You deserve so much better than to be treated that way." She had no idea how useful any of it was, whether or not he would believe her now, but she wanted those words said regardless. Because she believed it herself. Because she believed in honor and loyalty. Because she still believed, in spite of everything, that neither their kind nor humanity was completely without the capacity to do and to be better than that.
People were awful sometimes, but they weren't only awful. There still had to be good people out there, somewhere. Era would always believe that, she hoped; if she ceased to think that good people did our could exist, what would she have left to live for? What was the point otherwise? How else could it ever be?
Post by Southern Italy on Apr 30, 2017 8:23:52 GMT -7
It was all too easily studied that the Italian was overwhelmed with stress. If pain alone wasn't enough for him to deal with, there was also psychological wounds that tagged alongside; the very fact that this was his brother causing all this damage. There was also the little girl he always found himself having to think of first when it come to priorities with safety, and with how often she questioned the situation they currently lived in, Lovino wasn't sure if he could hold up much longer. That very thought stroke fear in the man's mind, tangling with the worries that already overflowed his plate of issues.
So many times he had been hurt, though the physical pain was limited to mostly only coming from his brother, the emotional and mental pain was something else entirely. It came from those around him, the people who he thought he could trust within. They switched from talking to him for necessities and trades from southern Italy to only speaking to Feliciano of the matter. Though it made complete sense, there was no denying that it stung quite a bit and stomped on the already dirt low self-esteem Lovino barely had, to begin with. And what made it much worse was, the fact Lovino knew of this and had no power to do anything to fix the problems glaring at him in the face. Now, if he wanted to do anything, Feliciano's permission was required. What was once an independent part of Italy, even in the times they were united as one nation technically, was ruled over with a single iron fist that Lovino couldn't break through.
Completely unaware of Era's own issues regarding being married to that very monster that tortured both of them, Lovino gave her hesitant glances as she continued to keep her arms wrapped around him. At this point, it was questionable which nation was receiving the comforts between the two of them, as they both gave and seemed to also receive the other ends' at the same time. When he heard her murmurs, he couldn't help but grit his teeth, however.
It wasn't pity he wanted from the other. Pity was far from something he was searching for, but it seemed that was the only thing she was able to provide. Finally, Lovino painfully moved his arm to gently, but firmly, push her away to get out of the embrace she was providing him with. In that short moment, he was unsure how to respond, so just kept silent until he managed to finally get her to let go.
"Don't apologize." He decided to start with the simple comment, glaring down at the floor in front of him. "I don't want an apology from you. Stop... Stop looking at me like that...! I'm an empire ruler as well, Era. I... I have something Nonno would be proud of me having. For once, Feliciano too is seeing me as something more than just... Just..." He had to stop there, unable to come up with an excuse that could fit his line of own lies and encouragement. What did Feliciano find in him to be positive, anymore? Did he even think fondly of him in the tiniest of bits? He had to, right? They... They were family, after all...? "...I... I don't need your apology." He just decided to end it by repeating himself, not noticing his body going back to shaking with the stress.
