I never promised you
Anything I couldn't do
We try to bury it and rise above
You never promised me
You would see it differently
Bury it and rise above...
There were many ways in which Era's ways of understanding the world were fundamentally
different from Feliciano's, but in an odd way, one of the most important was easily visible in their attitudes towards the sports news. Or perhaps it wasn't so odd, that a crucial difference between them should also be so all-pervasive that it extended into every facet of their lives.
It wasn't that Era didn't care about sports, though she admittedly prioritized them somewhat lower at times when she had to worry too much about basic matters of survival. It wasn't even that she disdained
Italian sports, although she viewed them with the sort of detachment that comes with being thoroughly
not Italian (no matter what anyone,
especially Feliciano, said). The basic, fundamental difference between the two of them was that Era frankly did not care what "Il Duce" thought, about any given team or much of any other subject either. She barely respected the man, in much the same way that she had made displays of respect to the various Ottoman emperors while privately being of the opinion that some of them were genuinely idiots, and certainly did not view him with the sort of practically-religious awe that so many of the Italians she had met lately exhibited. She already had a perfectly good religion, one with
considerably more to recommend it than the worship of Mussolini could ever offer, and accordingly was highly averse to treating anyone who was not, in fact, God as if they were.
When Era greeted her husband, he did not reply, though he obviously noticed her and even put the newspaper aside to fix her with a contemptuous stare. The girl looked down awkwardly, trying to telegraph submission as much as possible, and took a seat rather than keep standing around and looking uncomfortable. She was fifteen, smack in the middle of the most awkward phase of life. Her attitude was not
entirely feigned.
She looked up when he began to speak of new laws from Rome, but as he proceeded to describe exactly what those laws entailed, she dropped her gaze back down to her thin, brown hands rather than meet his eyes as he casually informed her that she was under a death sentence. There was no doubt, of course, that he knew that that was what he was saying. Feliciano knew
what Era was. He had to have known that she was the spirit of a nation, in the ancient sense, more than of the modern state that had been too recently constructed by and for that nation.
Entire nations, in that sense, are very difficult to kill. They are tenacious, because they have many sources of strength. And yet, most of the Ancients have died. Era had herself seen Rome, thought by so many to be the greatest of all the Ancients, killed in front of her. If an empire that lasted two thousand years could be destroyed in the end, and if the spirits of the ancient nations who had lived in the Balkans before her -- Thracia, Dacia, Graecia, Pannonia, Dalmatia, her father Illyria -- could vanish from the Earth and leave their descendants confused about their fates, how could Shqipëria be any less mortal than they were?
Era knew perfectly well what it would take to kill her, and that Feliciano's proposal would likely drain the life out of her. No doubt it would be slow, and -- if she did not resist -- quiet. She would weaken, perhaps become confused and forgetful as her culture and language were lost, and then eventually she would go to sleep some night and never wake up again. That was the kind of death that came to the very, very old, and yet here it was, staring her right in her teenaged face.
And what did she expect? a harsh thought came to the back of her mind. She was a
woman. Everyone knew that women died young. Everyone knew why. Women had to work so hard to keep their homes running that it killed them. Women suffered and often died having babies -- sure, that didn't apply to Era in quite the same way, considering that she wasn't human, but sooner or later (and Feliciano's plan would surely push it in the direction of "sooner") the same forces that had created her would surely create a successor spirit for her, and she would have to give up her own life so that her successor could live. No, there was nothing unusual about any of what was being asked of her. This might as well have been written on her forehead as her fate, when she was born a girl. There was only one thing she could have done to save herself, and she had given up her chance centuries ago--
No. She cut her own thoughts off there. She wasn't even going to think about
that, and she wasn't going to give up hope. Yes, it was true that she was a woman, but that didn't mean she was doomed, it wasn't
why she was in this situation, and it
really didn't mean that she had to die
now. Era Kastrati had plenty to live for, even if she thought about herself on a human level: there were people who were counting on her, people she
loved, and she was still so
young. She wanted to live, for the sake of her friends and family, and for her own sake. And this was all the more true because she was so much more than a human.
Shqipëria had everything to live for, everything to fight for.
Ironically, it was that
last bit of her thoughts, the part where she was
not despairing, that she most urgently needed to keep from showing on her face. That she was still staring fixedly at her own hands helped, but it was her long training at keeping her face bland, no matter
what she had to react to, that made the most difference there. She heard Feliciano ask if she had any questions, and her years of serving as a bureaucrat took over. She had only one question, and it would be the same whether she should choose to fight for her life or submit totally without complaint.
"When do these laws go into effect?"