Berwald stood on the street corner waiting for his turn to cross. He was dressed warmly and carried a bouquet of red roses in his hands. It wasn't okay to greet his wife without something in his hands to give him. Finland deserved more than this, but for right now it would do. He didn't imagine that Tino would be very hungry after he told him what he was going to today. Still, he meant the world to him and he was going to try and make this process as painless as possible while keeping firm on his plans.
When it was safe to cross, Berwald did and made his way to the small café that he'd planned to meet his wife in. It has been some time since he'd been to Finland and he wished he could stay longer. With how many people were occupying his home, it just wasn't possible. He'd have to get back as quickly as he could to manage the situation. Maybe he was just paranoid, but he could have sworn that people were watching his home. It was a good thing he never let them go outside, but it did tend to get loud in there ever so often. He was going to have to handle this before it got way out of hand, but Berwald wasn't in the habit of doing things without at least telling Tino.
There wasn't any amount of flowers that he could give him to make what he was going to say better. But everything that he was going to say he was doing for him. It would all depend on what England would say when he met with him later. If Arthur could help him, maybe everything would turn out alright, but if he couldn't….
Sweden approached the café and spotted Tino standing there waiting. He approached him and held the flowers out for him. Nothing was more important than his family and his home and he was going to protect them, no matter what cost. "Halla, Tino.." He greeted him with the flowers and wrapped his arms around him to hold him close. Sweden held him there for a moment before he gave him his own space back. He'd been wanting to discuss this with him for some time. It wasn't like Finland didn't know he had a problem, Finland had contributed, but it wasn't nearly what he'd taken on. If it was just a small amount he would have dealt with the situation already but this was far different. Instead, he was going to lay some options in front of his wife and see what he thought about it...He doubted he would be able to change his mind.
Berwald was wrong, Tino already wasn’t hungry. He had been nothing but open and honest with Germany, but his heart was sick. He was sick. He dreamt of the Moscow fires, of innocent blood spilled on the cold, hard ground. If he concentrated or let his mind wander just long enough he’d be able to still feel the heavy weight of his rifle in his hands as he, his troops, and Germany’s converged and marched into Moscow. Then dreamt of his people being taken away because of Germany’s boss. Being taken away for nothing but their religion and ways of life. Being taken away because…
They weren’t pure enough.
How many times had he awoken in a cold sweat to Hanatamago, the new puppy Sweden had gifted him before they’d parted ways after the Moscow party, licking his tear-stained cheeks? He’d tried to freshen up to see Sweden, though. He probably still had bags under his eyes, though.
He wasn’t hungry, but he’d ordered coffee. It was something to wet his mouth and keep his focus. He could close his eyes and feel the warmth of the cup in his hands. He’d gotten them a table, but he couldn’t sit. Not yet. Instead his eyes scanned the crowds for any sign of Berwald. The nation knew the Swede had something to say to him, something important and if his stomach wasn’t already in knots, it would have been at the seriousness of this meeting. Tino could wish all he wanted that it was date and reunion. He could wish all he wanted that Sweden would have been able to stay for a while. He wanted to ease the stress that wrinkled his husband’s brow, even if he too was suffering.
Germany wanted both of them and it would only be a matter of time before he found Ludwig at his doorstep wishing to negotiate for him to join the German Empire.
The light turned and Finland saw Berwald. He put the cup down on the table and moved so Sweden could see him. Sweden looked just as exhausted as him and yet he’d come here.
He took the offered flowers first and buried his nose in the red roses. They were beautiful and fresh; he leaned into Sweden’s embrace. “Haloo,” he said, cheeks flush as he tilted his head up after Sweden had stepped back. “Berwald, you didn’t have to bring me flowers…but they’re beautiful.” He smiled at him, but it was sad.
He took his hand, “I could have come to you. It would have been so much easier…You look so tired.” He squeezed his fingers around Berwald’s. He wished the other would start taking care of himself instead of worrying about him. They were both unselfish that way, though. Tino probably should have been doing the same. He shook his head and set the flowers carefully down. “Are you hungry or thirsty? I can order something for you.”
Hearing Finland's was enough to comfort his soul, if only for a moment. He didn't know if Finland was ever truly sure of his feelings, but he hoped he knew. It was difficult for him to express and even more difficult for him to understand when it was given back. But something about being with Finland made everything a little bit easier. Tino was patient with him and always seemed to be able to read him, even when no one else could. He wouldn't expect anything less out of his wife.
He stared into his eyes for a moment, happy that he liked his gift. "I am fine. Change is good." He stated stiffly despite how right Finland was. He was extremely tired. He'd been waking up in the middle of the night too, if he even went to sleep. Many nights he skip it all together to stay up and patrol the grounds. Sometimes he'd check the house for bugs, to see if he'd been wired somehow. His paranoia was beginning to get to him and the more that Germany came to speak with him the worse it was getting. The worst part about it was he didn't have any solution for it that Finland would like.
"Yes, Food." He nodded and finally let of his wife. Before he pulled quickly away he left a kiss on his cheek and went to sit down. Pulling out his chair, he tried to think about exactly how he was going to tell him this. His eyes cast to him, cold and unmoving as they always were, Finland was never going to forgive him. "Tino, I know you won't like want I'm going to say." He left it there for the moment, just stating that he understood how Tino might react about it. Food wasn't really the subject on his mind right now, so he didn't really care what he got. Any food right now was better than an empty stomach. "My cousin wants me to join the Reich, but you know my situation." He stated to him openly.
What seemed like a long time ago, Sweden had taken in a small portion of Finlands Jewish population. He'd already taken in both of his other brothers, so it seemed like the right thing to do. Now, neither of them could take theirs back and even if he were to give Finlands back it wouldn't make a difference. "I am going to try something, but if it doesn't work…" He paused and thought over it for a long moment. Sweden's hardened face seemed to look even more stressed than earlier….but it was the right thing to do.
"You will join the Reich.." He nodded and motioned to Finland. "And I will turn myself in."
Sweden may have looked weary, but he was still his Berwald, his Ruotsi. Just seeing his eyes, those glasses, and hearing his voice was enough to ease the suffocating clasp that had been around his heart—something he wasn’t aware of until it wasn’t there anymore. He really had missed him, even more so after the Kremlin Peace Negotiations. Yet for all the fear he’d had in seeing Berwald again, he never held any doubt about the feelings the two of them shared. Tino never forgot and never saw a change in Berwald to make him doubt the Swede’s feelings. He knew how much Berwald loved him and even if no one else could, Finland could see it every time their eyes met and feel it when Sweden held him. He just hoped Sweden knew that he returned the feelings with every breath and every beat of his nation’s heart. He would wait a thousand years for the nation who he didn’t mind being referred to as a wife from.
He was just happy to see him.
Yet when Sweden finally spoke again, his smile turned sad. Change was good? Some changes were, but the changes he saw in the world now? No, no they weren’t. He couldn’t see them as anything but dangerous. Terrifying, powerful, and inevitable. The machine of Germany’s Ubermensch was ravenous and it was coming for them both; he knew it and Sweden knew it. They knew they both were aware. Yet Sweden had it the hardest. Finland had aided Germany in conquering Russia: he’d been there with men and firepower. Germany had fed his peoples to keep him in the fray. Finland’s Jewish troops had paraded in front of the Nazis with their religion and its practices. They’d not done it for spite, but simply because they had to practice their faith even if the other side did not appreciate it. Finland had respected them and even defended them. He would not deport them, not a one, though yes, he’d agreed to send 150 to Sweden and Germany knew that. What Germany didn’t know was that the 150 Finland had sent was only a fraction of the Jews in Sweden.
That was what strained Sweden and kept him up at night and Finland was helpless to offer any solution. That was the worst part for Tino. He couldn’t help Berwald and it ate at him with guilt even if he knew there was nothing he could do, even if Sweden knew it too.
Finland leaned into the kiss on his cheek and nodded quietly. He let Sweden pull out a chair while he called a server over and spoke to him in rushed Finnish. He ordered something hardy, a stew of meat and potatoes and the best fish in supply. Then he joined Sweden. He stood at his side where he was eye-level now that Berwald was sitting down. He leaned against the table and simply listened.
He knew he wouldn’t like what Berwald was going to say, but he was resigned to it. He already guessed what it was about and the various ways Sweden could say it. He only nodded. There was no judgment and there wouldn’t be.
When Sweden was done speaking, Finland came to stand in front of him. He lifted Berwald’s face to his with his two hands and peered into his eyes. To anyone else they would have been scary, blank. Finland pressed his forehead to his.
“I will join the Reich,” he repeated. “It was inevitable. It is the best decision for myself and my people, though you I am terrified for it what it means…If he takes them,” he swallowed and shook his head. “Sverige,” he murmured in Swedish, “Jag älskar dig väldigt mycket älskling.” He kissed the corner of his mouth and shut his eyes. “I am here, do you understand? I am always here for you. I am at your side and nothing is going to change that…We can face anything together. We can survive anything together. I just need you.” He drew Sweden into his arms and just held him. “I just wish I could do something for you now. I wish it was me who had turn themselves in.” He laughed hollowly. “You’re right, Ruotsi…I hate what you had to say. I hate it, but there’s no other choice.”
Sverige - Swedish for "Sweden"
Jag älskar dig väldigt mycket älskling. - I love you very much my darling
After he spoke plainly about the subject he became even hungrier than before. He needed something to just get all of this off his mind for a moment. Finnish food was something that he'd not only grow accustom to, but grown to love. Finnish food wasn't the only thing he loved about Finland. As he looked him over he was reminded for all the reasons he loved Finland and when he spoke all of them were just reinforced to him.
Instead of being met with hysteria and panic Finland was realistic and accepting of Sweden's choices. He could always depend on him to be reliable and supportive, especially when he really needed him to be. Finland wasn't one to buck up against his choices when he really meant them. Not to say that Finland didn't have a temper, he'd seen it before, but rarely enacted on him. That was something he could understand as the only one that seemed to want to fight him consistently was Denmark and even in the end he reached out to him for help. Sweden took care of him as he would all of his brothers.
Their foreheads pressed together and Sweden gave him a blank stare. It was the kind of stare that only Finland could read to see behind the cold veil and inside of his heart and mind. His sweet Finnish words comforted him from within and his kisses were accepted with soft touches of his own to Finland's hips. It was quite a position to be in, especially publically, but he didn't care. Sweden wrapped his arms slowly around him. Finland was prepared to do what he had to do and he was thankful for that.
"We will face it together…Eventually." He corrected him slightly although he planned to stay by him. At this time, their next moves were extremely important and he wanted their direction to be crystal clear to Finland. "You will join the Reich first…I will follow or.." He looked away for a moment in thought as if the realization of being separated from him for any amount of time was a slow torture. "I'm sure you will know. - Do not worry, I do not fear our cousin." He tried to assure him. Germany may have been powerful where he was, but here in the winter, where the cold reigned, he held no crown.
Tino wanted to fight it. He wanted to shake his head, push away from Berwald, and scream that he was wrong, but the reality was he couldn’t. If he did, he’d only hurt Sweden and be denying something that was inevitable. Just like the snow that so often fell on them, the fact was when Finland saw the inferno that was Moscow and heard the surrender cry from the Russian forces he’d known it. He knew that Germany was going to come to both his and Sweden’s door. Their cousin would never outright demand them to join, but he would suggest it and he would continue to suggest it over and over. He would list the ways in which he’d helped Tino, in his case. The food he’d supplied, the weapons he’d given him and been given in return. For all Tino knew, Ludwig could remind him of his own hand in the war. Tino may have called himself co-belligerent, but had he not fired on Moscow as well? He did not want any part of Russia only what he’d lost, but he already knew…
Germany would give him land that he had not asked for and in return why not further solidify their alliance? Why not become part of the Reich? As Tino sank into Sweden’s arms around his waist he wanted to know just what that would mean. Would he lose his right to run his own government? Would he be in no better position than when Russia had kept him all those years ago?
He lifted his head when someone cleared their throat. The stew was placed on the table and Finland tentatively pulled away from Sweden and his scent that recalled his stores, the furniture he could build. He smelled of resin and the sea.
“You will follow,” Finland said. “You want to make this sacrifice, turn yourself in, and I know there’s no other way, but if he harms you, Ber,” he looked down for a moment before he looked back up and his eyes were steely. “I will beg him with all my might for you. Whatever it takes.” He feared Germany because Sweden had much more to lose than him. Who knew what the German would do once he discovered the mass of Jews Berwald was hiding? Would he be punished? Tortured? Locked away like Russia? No! Tino wouldn’t allow that without some sort of fight, but not with weapons.
He pulled a chair over so he could sit at Sweden’s side and picked up his mug of coffee. He took a sip of the still steaming liquid. “If I am to be with the Reich, I will be there with my husband. I hated your leaders when I lived in your house and I…I’m glad you never took my independence to mean I didn’t want to be with you.” He smiled. “But I would join with you again in a heartbeat, live in your home…For you, I will do and give Ludwig whatever he wants. I get so lonely without you.” He teased and gave him a mock pout. It might not exactly raise Berwald’s spirits but he wanted to be strong for him and show him that if nothing else, he was okay. His Tino wouldn’t change. He’d be his wife as he’d always known him.
Finland knew their situation just as well as he did. He listened to him lament over his choices but in the end he knew there was no other way. It wasn't all hopeless, however. There was still the matter to settle with England. He'd mentioned that he needed to meet with him and after this meeting he was going to make his way to England's home. That was information that Finland didn't need to know for the moment. Finland and England hadn't gotten along in the past, along with the rest of his brothers, it would just lead him to worry further. If it was successful then Finland wouldn't have to worry at all.
Germany had given him the option to create an alliance rather than join the Reich, but Finland and Sweden knew better. They would become allies and then later down the road they would be occupied just as his brother's had been. It had become apparent with Germany persistence that he really needed them. It put them in a good position, one that they should take advantage of. Even if Germany would be calling the shots, as long as they were in the Reich they were in power. It was better to be in power than to be taken over by a power. In this sense it was a trade-off that they were both willing to take.
Sweden let him move to a chair, going over in his mind what he had said. He knew that his wife wasn't bluffing about what he would do to Germany or what he would do for him. Hopefully, it would never be needed and Berwald would be at his side. When Finland moved the stew caught his attention and he scooted up toward it. Slowly, he took a bite and considered what he was saying. Finland was always so quick to remind him of the past, but his loyalty hadn't changed. His face never changed as he spoke of it, seeming outwardly neutral to what he'd say. What transpired between them then didn't matter anymore. Finland was his wife and still is his wife.
That never changed.
"You will join the Reich and be loyal to it." He corrected him for Finland's own safety. He wanted him to get into the mentality that if Germany did anything to him, that Finland was going to still remain in solidarity with what he wanted. To stray from it would be too dangerous for his people. For what was now apparent as an obsession from his cousins boss…and possibly his cousin himself, they were desired for their blood. As long as they had that Germany wasn't going to do anything too drastic, or at least he'd hoped that was the case. He took another sip and then gave him his full attention.
"Do not delay with it, call him tonight. I will be calling him shortly. If he asks you about me, tell him to call me." Sweden told him seriously. It was important that they were on the same page with the plan. If Germany wanted to know anything about him he could get it directly from him. He reached forward and grabbed Finland's hand. His touch was cold and callused over, the hands of a carpenter and of arctic blood. "We may not speak again for some time." Sweden stated just as frigid as his hands.
Finland had never been a nation that had lusted for power. Finland had been a land of survivors who had undergone one foreign reign after another. So Finland did not want power, not from Germany and certainly not at the hands of someone who could and most likely would implement a mass genocide the moment Finland agreed to join him. It was the last thing Tino wanted! He wanted to kick Germany in his own vital region. More than that, though, he simply wanted to be left alone. He’d done his part in the war, helped Germany defeat Russia, and couldn’t that be enough on his part? No, it couldn’t, and it was a fact that Tino swallowed bitterly. While the situation could be salvaged for Sweden (of course, Tino was none the wiser of this) it couldn’t be for Finland. He couldn’t fight against the German Empire to remain independent. For Tino the situation was hopeless. He only had two choices.
Tino would go willingly because fighting would devastate him and he had no further to look what his consequences could be than what had happened to Russia. He did not want to be occupied, forced under violent coercion to be a protectorate once more. Yet Germany was persistent, he wanted them to join and they could use that to advantage. He didn’t want the power that would come, but it was better to have power than to be ran over and forced. They would live to breathe and maybe someday be their own nations again and so yes, Tino was willing to do this trade.
He feared no less for Sweden or his own people, though.
He also often found himself anxious about his and Berwald’s relationship. He always wanted to remind him that he was his. He would always be that whether he was independent or in the house of another country. Finland knew Sweden worried about his sincerity; he worried about if his siblings liked him at all or if it was all a ruse. Tino couldn’t hide his affections and he wanted Berwald to know all the time that he did indeed love him. He’d spend his whole life proving and reassuring that.
Still, he hated this. He sighed at Sweden’s correction and crossed his arms. “I know, I know…I just…I don’t want him to hurt you. I can’t stand that thought, Berwald. You’re strong and it looks like nothing affects you, but I know,” he frowned at him and pointed. “And I always know, so you remember that. You can’t hide your worries from me.” Yet he would be loyal no matter what Germany did to Sweden because if he wasn’t what else would Germany do? He already knew they were each other’s weakness. “I’ll be loyal to him, I’ll stand strong even if he does harm you and I won’t be foolish or anything, okay? I promise.” But he would beg, prostrate himself, or anything else it might take if Germany raised a hand to Berwald. He’d take the punishment himself, but he knew that would only hurt Berwald even more.
He threaded his fingers through Sweden’s. He loved the roughness of his fingers and how cool they were. They were always warm to Tino, though because the same arctic blood ran through him as well. “No, we might not…I hope you’re wrong, but I can wait. A wife always does when the husband goes on his sojourn. Just come back to me, rakkaani.” His own voice was serious even as he called him “my love” in Finnish.
Berwald stared at Finland as he spoke. The conversation was beginning to make him lose his appetite. Food made have been a bit of an issue but Germany was a bigger issue. Sweden wasn't afraid of Germany, he could take his cousin. What he was afraid of, was the well-being of his people. He was afraid of what Germany would do to Finland and his people. He was already invested in protecting Denmark's people, but he still wasn't sure if he'd be able to save them. If he turned himself in their fate would be sealed for sure.
Germany was more powerful than him, but he was still his younger family. Sweden would handle him man to man, face to face if it came to it. He'd been told to handle it though and he wasn't going to take that generosity for granted. It could have went a lot worse than that at their meeting. But if it came down to it he'd face whatever punishment was given. With all that he'd seen so far, he could only imagine what that meant.
Scolded, Sweden stared at his wife. He had nothing to add to his speculation of his nerves. Awkwardly, he continues to stare, not acknowledging one way or the other.
Finland was always rooting for him, always pushing for him and he had no doubt that if left to his own choices, he'd plead to Germany. But Sweden would rather he didn't, as much as the gesture confirmed that his wife loved him. Upon hearing that Finland would do what he said, he was put more at ease. His hand was so light and soft. Berwald brought them to his mouth and kissed them gently. Having no immediate fear of where they were no what social norms he was breaking he continued to kiss his hand generously. Slowly, his lips trailed up it, each plant of a kiss landing on a new position on his skin. Even if it was inappropriate for them to be doing so it didn't matter to him. Social norms in physical touch and conversation were not one of Sweden's strengths.
After he'd kissed him to his satisfaction for the moment he pulled him closer to get him out of his seat. Berwald looked up at him. A good wife did do that and Finland was a good wife. "I know you will." He assured him that he understood Finland's resolve. But he didn't comment on Finland's last remark. Berwald didn't plan on going anywhere, anytime soon, but he wasn't going to make a promise he didn't know if he could keep. Instead he tried to change his perspective on it. "I will let you know when all has gone well. I have my own ideas. Until then you should come with me." His other hand slid up Finland's arm and he pulled him into his lap.
If there was one thing that was motivating him right now it was getting through it for Finland's sake beyond his own. Everything was just different now. Long ago, before his cousin was even imagined that he could ever be a threat, they ruled the seas. His people stood behind him and rushed into glorious battle but things were different now. His people weren't like this anymore and although the spirit lingered in his heart, he had an obligation to the people he loved so much. If it were different, and it was just Germany and him, no obligations, no innocent lives at stake, he would resist his cousin to his dying breath.
Germany wanted them for their blood; the ice that could run through their veins, the hardy peoples that populated them. His people could withstand the arctic, battled with rage that recalled his years as a Viking. Finland, round-faced and looking more cherub than soldier, had a people that could withstand the freeze and march into Russia. Germany could have wanted his people for nothing more than that, but he had only to look at the Nordic blood to know. Blonde, blue-eyed though his was a softer blonde than even Sweden’s. Germany wanted their genes because in his head they were Aryan. Finland could perhaps use that to help negotiations for his people. He would.
Sweden had enough to worry about. He didn’t need to worry about Tino.
Just as Sweden was not afraid, nor would Finland, not for himself at least. He would stand before Germany and face him just like his family had faced those of Germania so long before. Their blood was related, but the Nordics did not arise from Germania, they rose from someone else: hardy man who conquered these hills before Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Iceland, or himself were ever found. Germany did not have the ice in his veins they had, did not know what it truly took to survive here.
He wasn’t afraid. He would endure just as he’d always endured. He looked fragile, but that was the beauty of his country. It looked so delicate in the moonlight, but it was an unforgiving place. It was the same for him.
Of course, Sweden upended everything.
Tino met Berwald’s unblinking stare and just smiled. Anyone else would have backed away, but Finland knew what his eyes meant even if no one else could divine any message from them. He bit his lip shyly and covered it with his other hand when Sweden lifted his hand and kissed it. He could take so much but the slightest affection from Berwald had him turning pink as a dusty rose. Sweden’s conscience was eased about Finland, he had assuaged his worries, and of course he would. Tino would never worry Berwald and he wouldn’t do anything that he knew would only bring more suffering to a continent already so torn. He smiled at him instead and let his cheeks burn hotter as Sweden didn’t stop. Each touch of his lips on a new patch of skin made his heart quiver.
He gasped as he was pulled from his seat. He was probably as red as a tomato and his heart was beating so fast he could hardly think. He didn’t really need to, though. Just listen and give in. That surrender ended with him in Sweden’s lap. He pressed his hot face into Berwald’s neck to hide the embarrassment. Sweden really didn’t understand social norms, behavior, and his conversational skills were lacking when it came to expressing emotion, but he was so romantic.
Sweden didn’t have to explain his feelings. Embarrassing or strange, it didn’t matter. Finland would never feel as loved as he did when Sweden gave him affection. There was something so sweet in all the awkward and disregard for what anyone thought.
Sweden’s heart beat beneath the hand Tino placed on his chest. It was steady, strong. “And I’ll keep you informed too about me,” he pulled back just enough to press his lips to Sweden’s ear. Screw social norms. He played with the hair at the nape of Berwald’s neck. “So where are you planning to take me?”
Finland would always be strong for Sweden. Berwald was his anchor and Tino was his in reverse. They always reassured the other, worried about each other anyway, and they always made it through to together. He swallowed his worry with that and began to affectionately nuzzle into Sweden’s ear. Until then, he most definitely would go with him.
It would have been a lie to day that the moment Finland's lips touched his ears that his original plan didn't deviate. Instead of taking him where he originally wanted to, now he was thinking about where the nearest hotel room was. These were distractions that both of them couldn't afford but certainly needed right now. Sweden could make time for him though. "Perhaps I can make time for that later. I think a hotel might be nice instead." Berwald couldn't help himself. His hands settled on Finland's hips. The distraction was nice and he needed a moment away from all of the stress. To forget himself for a moment he slipped his hands around him and pulled him into a tight hug in his lap.
But right now it was time to be serious. As quickly as the thought had come to his mind and he had voiced it aloud, it was shot from his sights. What they were involved in right now was too important to let slide for personal pleasures. People's lives were at stake and he needed to know exactly how Tino felt about all of it, so that in the end they both understood where they were underneath it all. Berwald released him from the hug and set him back a bit so that he could look in his eyes. "I want you to go to the sea with me." He stated without giving much detail otherwise. It would be difficult to explain where they currently were anyway.
In a world where now spies were everywhere, it was important for him not to say too much out loud in such a public place. He was not beyond believing that after the trouble that happened with his cousin earlier that there wouldn't be someone watching them. Even so, it seemed like Germany knew it was something bad and just wanted Berwald to take care of it. That was easier said than done for him, despite it being so seemingly easy for his cousin. Sweden didn't have anything against the people that he held. They were people and he didn't see anything immediately wrong with them. If they were hurting his cousins way of life, he sympathized with him, but he wasn't sure if this was the correct solution.
But what did he know? His cousin was running half of the world. The lines of what was originally acceptable to him were now being blurred and he wanted to know exactly how Tino felt about these things as well. More importantly, he needed to know what Tino would say if he ever ended up agreeing with his cousin. "So we can be alone and talk about what we want to." he further clarified and reached into his own hair to snatch Finland's hand. His fingers laced into Tino's once more and squeezed gently.
It's hysteria. It's manic. It's as if all the noise is contained in a bubble and then roars to life once a needle shatters its fragile shell; Tino feels fragile and he looks wane. Yet it's everything he needs. He laughs.
Berwald is looked upon as if he is an island by most of the world. He appears so severe and focused. He seems for all purposes to personify his namesake as the Lion of the North, a king of the artic. His visage is stern, cold, cutting. Yet with one gesture from Finland it falls away and the nation seems more human as he is guided by desire. It makes Tino wistful. If they had been born human there would be none of this weight on their shoulders. They would be affected by the war and yes, they would probably watch as neighbors, friends, and perhaps even family were torn from homes, dragged down streets and taken to patches of land fenced in where the air is a miasma of the stench of death and misery. Would their bodies be buried enmass? Or would they be burned? And would Tino and Berwald the men run, speak out, or would they shutter their windows at night and stay silent lest the Germans beat down their doors to haul them to the death camps? They were not born as simple men, however.
Tino and Berwald are Finland and Sweden. Yet as Sweden's hands drag his hips close and he is embraced, Finland can close his eyes and pretend for a moment that they are just men. He can be amused that he so easily distracted Berwald. He can imagine them finding a hotel and spending hours doing nothing but breathing, kissing, touching beneath scratchy sheets and their shared warmth.
So he laughs. The sound overflows like a fountain and slips from his lips. He laughs so hard his eyes sting. He laughs until it hurts because it does hurt. His laughters stilts; it clatters. He sobs. The tears flow before Sweden releases him from his warm embrace. He only nods to Sweden's words.
They will go to the sea. Tino curls his hand and slides his fingers through Berwald's. He frowns and looks away. He tries to swallow the agony. The pain is just beginning. The end is beginning. Will it be hours from now that he calls Germany to…what? Surrender? Roll over and reveal his vulnerability? To halt a war that would destroy him? Germany will take his native Jews, those that came here for protection. He will take his gypsies, his handicapped, and the unwanted that have no place in the paradise Germany preaches of.
The hell he is so determined to make, Finland corrects in his mind. If he fights Germany will ravage his lands and take them. They will be doomed one way or the other. So Tino is going to sign their warrant on his own to save himself, right? Hope that one day the Reich will fall and he can make amends then?
He lets Berwald's hand go. He does not look at him still. Tears continue to track down his cheek.
"What's there to talk about?" His fury is only just contained in the strained whisper. What is there left to talk about? Hasn't Berwald said enough?
Sweden wanted nothing more than for them to be happy together. He wanted to take him down to the water and them just have some time to themselves before everything got out of their hands. He just wanted to be with him alone for a little while and having him this close made him want that all the more.
When Finland let go of his hand he felt his heart sink in his chest. The flood of emotion running through him confused him and only made his brows pull slightly closer together. He adjusted his frames and all expression was gone in an instant. He could tell that Finland was unhappy with their situation and he wished he could change that for them.
Stubbornly, Berwald wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly. He may not have wanted to hold his hand, but that wasn’t going to stop him from keeping him close. “We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.” He spoke softly, giving Finland the option to ignore him if he’d like. Berwald could stand Tino not speaking with him for a while as long as he was allowed to be around him.
“ I know it’s difficult..To be around me.” He squeezed him tighter. Berwald was only doing what he thought was best for them, for their family. “When we join the Reich…and safety is secured. I was thinking that we could start a family. Our cousin would approve, I know this.” Berwald rubbed Tino’s sides and hoped silently that he would be receptive to that. There was little else Berwald wanted than to start a family with him.
Still, he had to endure seeing a stream of tears roll down his cheek. Perhaps after Tino was settled and trusted more in their cousin that he would turn around. He would see that they were safer and it was the better way to raise a family in the current world. It may not have been exactly as they pictured it, but at least they would be together. “Would you want that with me?” He asked now actually hoping for a response from him.
Happiness. Finland longed for happiness; he longed for the days before the war had come and Russia had tried to invade his borders again. He never should have agreed to aid Germany, but at the time it had seemed right. Ludwig was his cousin and they had banded together under a joint cause. Finland had wanted Russia to fall. Now that it had come to pass, however, he regretted it. To remember he’d had such a drive or that he’d been happy when he’d seen the flames of Moscow—it sickened him.
Tino wanted to bury himself in Sweden’s arms, the scent of his skin, and the lull of his voice. He wanted to forget about everything. He wanted to wake up and find it was only a dream, but the reality was so chilling. That was why he’d pulled his hand away. He’d not intended to create emotional distance between them, or to seem cut off from Berwald. He wasn’t unhappy with Sweden, but he was distraught. So distraught that the return of Sweden’s heat jarred him and he blinked a moment. Then he relaxed into him. His entire body sagged and sank into the Berwald’s touch. While it was true, he didn’t want to have to face the uncomfortable conversation, he knew he would.
It was Sweden’s other admission that made him pull back. His own brows furrowed. Difficult to be around Sweden? What was he talking about? When it hit him, Finland’s eyes began to sting again. He took in a shaky breath and shook his head before he realized that action could also be mistaken.
“Ber…no,” he curled his fingers into his shirt, “I’m not upset with you. You’re not difficult to be around.” He pressed deeper into his embrace. “Why would you think that? Why would you think I’m…” He squeezed his eyes shut. He tried to grasp onto what else Sweden had said. A family. Wanting to start one with him after their safety there was guaranteed. Finland took a few more moments to settle down. Once he felt sturdy, he moved his hands to take Berwald’s again.
He considered Sweden’s eyes behind his glasses. “I want to talk, Berwald. I want to go to the sea with you…and talk. I want to be with you. You ground me,” he said. “And I’ve always wanted a family with you…I don’t care what Germany thinks. I’d love that, Berwald.” He tried to give him a smile, shaky as it may have seemed.
Feeling Finland cling to him made all his worries fade away. His own embrace only held him tighter as he began to speak and sooth his anxieties even more. It was difficult, he knew it was, but Tino didn’t say it was. Perhaps this was because Finland loved him for who he was and all of what he was. For that, Sweden loved him even more. How he could look past the vast barren ice waste to who he was inside was nothing short of a miracle. This was the man that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. This was the nation that he wanted to foster other nations with. Germany couldn’t stop them from doing this, thankfully, it didn’t seem like he wanted to either.
He just wanted to live with Finland in peace and start a family but their current family was making it so difficult already. Hearing him say that he wanted a family filled his heart with a joy that he felt had been missing. Finland wanted a family with him, he wanted to be on the beach some where with him and if it took the rest of his days he was going to make it happen. But his cousin wouldn’t object to them wanting to be happy, especially if they cooperated.
“You do?” He asked without happiness in his voice. There was nothing in his voice, ever, but Finland could see past that. That was what made everything to him. Tino could always see everything beyond the surface. “We will join and we will make a family…” He took his cheeks in his hands and drew him into a gentle kiss. His fingers curled behind his head and threaded into his hair. He pulled him tighter to his lips and everything just felt right in the world.
At least he knew that when he was alone with him the world was right. After a moment he pulled back from the kiss and stared at him. His thumb moved around his jaw and pressed into the line of it, massaging the bottom gently. “I love you.”
