Yao laid back in Japan's courtyard. He'd been working his fingers to the bone just to keep his mind busy, but for right now he just wanted to sit back and relax. There were always plenty of chores to do, but for right now at least he'd let someone else do it. Yao was staring up at the night sky, just appreciating the stars above him. Something about their distance he wanted to relate to. Back when he was young, they were one of his only friends. Always so many silent friends and they were all such good listeners. They didn't judge him but they'd always seen what he'd done. Even today they had seen what had happened.
His back was against the cement of the small circular pool in the courtyard. A "moon pool" as it were. He liked these little inventions by Japan, although he'd never say that out loud. The fact that he was hanging around it should have been proof enough that he was enjoying it. Reaching his fingers up to the stars he wanted to feel close to the ones that were always looking down on him. But feeling tired he let his arm drop and drug his fingers through the moon pools water. The surface disturbed and rippled throughout the rest of the calm pool, creating waves on the moon.
Yao was dressed in his traditional clothing, though his white long sleeved robe instead of his red one. Japan seemed to like white more than red. His sleeves covered the length of his arm and well passed his hands. The slacks he wore were made of silk and his shoes were a simple pair of black slip ons. He heard a screen open and watched as Japan walked out into the courtyard with him. Every nerve of his stood on end. Not to be mistaken, Yao was thankful he was with Japan, even if he wasn't too happy about the circumstances.
Japan was his favorite, his first, his Kiku…
Looking at him now there was an amount of pride that came with all the shame. Japan had become stronger than he ever imagined he could possibly be. The aura that followed him was so powerful, he could sense it before he ever got close. Japan resonated power and the way he held himself said he knew exactly what to do with it. His heart ached for him, missing those dark empty eyes that looked up at him when he was little.
He was thankful to be with Kiku again….He was thankful…He was thankful
Yao continued to remind himself as he watched him in the courtyard approach him.
Dark eyes, eyes that seemed as dark as night in the lack of light before him and the inverse of the light behind him met those of Yao’s. Japan gracefully closed the screen door behind him and ducked first onto the porch and then into the emerald grass of the courtyard. He had not been looking for Yao, but nonetheless to discover him beside the moon pond in the inner courtyard was not unwelcome.
No words were passed between them, but Kiku felt the tension as he always had around the nation who had raised him, guided him so carefully. It burned in his chest. That was an unwelcome feeling, but one he refused for the time to acknowledge. What good would it do to explore it? He already knew it. China just like all the others had raised him to seek land, to conquer for Asia and now that he had done it? Yao was afraid of him.
He should be!
Japan paused and cast his glance to the small garden to the side. Beneath the navy of his robe his pale hands clenched, the line of his jaw stiffened. He imagined the tension starting at his toes releasing. His calves, his thighs, up and up still until he was completely relaxed. Emotionless yet again. Let China stew then and be afraid. It was not as if Japan had truly wanted to have to harm him. Why would he wish to do that?
The corner of his mouth twitched. Oh, but to see the crimson after he’d cut him, to know that China would forever he scarred in his ownership. That was pure ecstasy. He rolled his neck and listened to the bones pop. He once more walked down the garden stones towards the pool and the man who lounged against it.
He did love Yao in white and had nothing against him in red, just that Yao was like the moon when he wore white. His beauty never failed to make the other’s chest tight in some foreign pleasure. He wondered if he’d feel the same sort of pleasure if Yao got so angry at him he wrapped those delicate fingers around his neck? If he tightened them until they hurt and held them until Kiku’s lungs burned. Would he let go? Or would he let him pass out? He couldn’t kill him. You had to kill his people, make them forget for him to die, but would it make Yao feel better to watch him pass out? He would let him hurt him if it gave Yao peace.
He sat down in the cool grass to Yao’s side and tilted his own face to the sky. He folded his hands into the sleeves. The kimono beneath the robe was only a shade or so lighter.
“They are quiet, peaceful up there, aren’t they,” he said. “They have no worry, nothing to lose…and no matter where you are the stars are always the same.” They were never lonely, though…there were millions of them and they were always together.
The closer Japan got the more his heart began to pound. He tried to keep his eyes focused up at the stars and forget that he was coming closer to him, but then the wound on his back began to burn and itch. It was still freshly open, not bleeding but still not completely scarred over. It was like a piece of his skin had been removed and the pink and fleshy underside was exposed to the world. No matter how much he tried to forget it was there he never could. The betrayal seeped from his back straight into his soul.
He felt Kiku sit near him and lay his head back on the pools edge, close to his own. The sea of stars above them did indeed look peaceful. The stars were always the same no matter where they were, no matter how they'd changed, no matter who belonged to who. The stars were always there and they were always under the same set of them.
Yao took a deep breath and turned his head to see Kiku looking up at the stars. He didn't understand why he'd come out here with him. "I'm sorry, I should be working." He took his fingertips out of the water and the pool went back to being still. Slowly, he tried to push himself up to where he was sitting next to Japan instead. " I just was taking a break." He spoke honestly, but to be honest he hadn't asked for a break. Nor had he been ordered to work for that matter.
The ground was soft beneath his flat shoes. He could feel the small prickles of grass touch the tops of his feet, trying to welcome him to take them off. It was tempting, but he was going to have to go back into the kitchen, where he'd rather have the house flats still on. "The stars are great tonight… But not as great as the Japanese Empire." He spoke with an air of remorse in his voice as he stared down at Japan, but it was the truth. Yao wasn't going to make his situation worse for himself by resisting Japan unless he had to….Anything was better than being in Europe right now anyway.
Besides what Japan had already done, he'd not been cruel to him. It was difficult to forget what he'd already done, but looking in his eyes made is hate melt away. It was so easy to get lost in the depth of them, those black holes that now reflected a sea of stars. He wondered how truly deep the pools in his eyes went. Kiku was the first and only child, until Hong Kong to have those eyes. It never made much sense to Yao, but he could only imagine that they were both special....and to him they were. Even if Japan was insane..
From the endless expanse of stars, the swirls of the universe echoed back in his eyes he turned. Now those bottomless pools caught the light from the house as he stared up at China. The forlorn note in his voice, the praise. Undue, unneeded, purple flattery. What did he think it would gain him? His lips thinned, but he said nothing. His gaze went back to the blackness of night.
He remembered the first time he had recognized his eyes as different. They were voids and within them hid so much. He sighed and his shoulders slumped back as he shut his eyes. For the first time in what felt like months, no years he let the weariness blanket him like the beautiful Kyoto snows he could recall with clarity from his youth. He turned to his side to regard Yao. He opened his eyes and this time it was him he dipped his fingers into the pool.
He swirled the water with his fingers and stared now into the water’s depths, watched as the night sky rippled in its reflection. “I do not require flattery, Yao,” he said and slid his free hand over the grass. It covered China’s closest hand. His touch was gentle and light. “I do not even require love,” he smiled and chuckled softly. Finally, he found Yao’s face once more and circled his hand in a loose hold over Yao’s wrist.
“No, not even love,” he hummed thoughtfully, “love is…imprisoning, powerful, and absolutely fickle. How quickly someone can utter such beautiful promises as love and yet take them back.” His teeth pressed together and he scowled. “Hate me, Yao. It makes no difference. Whether you hate me now for what I have done, you will in the end for all I have yet to do.”
He unlocked his fingers and played with the hem of Yao’s sleeve. “Do you want to hurt me, Yao-kun,” he smiled softly. “Would you like to do it with a weapon? Or would you take your beautiful hands and inflict the pain, yourself?”
Yao became still as Japan's fingers looped around his wrist with ease. He revealed to him what he didn't and somewhere in China's heart, he ached. Sometimes, he wondered whether there wasn't any love or feeling in those empty pools anymore. When guilt would rise in his, he'd wonder if her contributed to that in some way. Two of his family had the same trait, both with similar circumstance. But before he could let the thought rise up too much Japan's words focused him back to their conversation.
He twitched at the word love. He did love Kiku, with all his heart. He raised him, of course he loved him. Kiku was his family, his first and his favorite. His siblings knew this, it wasn't even a competition. The only one that could probably take issue would be Leon, whom he loved and favorited very much as well. But the kind of love Kiku was talking about, he'd rather not talk about. Yao knew more than anyone how much of a prison it was.
His free hand grasped his heart when the threat left his lips. He tugged his other hand away, trying to get him to let go of his sleeve. "Kiku how can you say such things. I'd never hate you" He said mostly for self-preservation, but it wasn't completely untrue. He did want to hurt him, he had hurt him in the past and after what he'd done to him still resonating on his back, it was difficult to feel guilt.
Since his occupation he'd thought about doing it in 100 ways. He'd thought about correcting many mistakes he'd made with Kiku, including allow him to speak with the West anymore. This white influence had destroyed his mind and now it was making him insane toward his own family. But he just wanted Kiku to stop, it was nothing that Yao couldn't help with….
But he'd never do it so blatantly after this… He had better ways.
"I do not want to hurt a part of me…The Great Empire of Japan."
His hand fell limply to the ground when China tugged it away and he doesn't even fight to disguise the hurt in his eyes. The way those pools dull and wetly gleam. How could China think that he felt no love? Japan felt deeply, tremendously with a fervor that twisted him up sometimes. Kiku could feel as if he's shattering. He has heard the groans of his land and watched it shiver and crack in earthquakes. That was how he felt when overwhelmed.
He remembered the love he spoke of. The laughter he'd shared with Arthur, the peace even in the silence, and the hot nights when he'd let Arthur have his body and make them one. He never dared to think that Arthur would depart without a word.
Kiku gulped in a breath to forget all of that. He tried to force himself to peace and lock away the hurt that came with Yao simply pulling away. He stared at the ground silently. "I do not want you to hate me," he said softly. "I would never wish you to. I do not want to be hated, but sometimes I do not see any other path…no other ending."
He rolled back onto his back and with the hand that had not grabbed Yao he lifted it to the air and spread his fingers. "I wish to feel as hurt as you…for you to be honest with me. Still you all hide things from me…" There was no suspicion in his voice. It was simple, resigned, and remorseful.
Yao could relate to Kiku in his heartbreak over Arthur. Arthur was the man that fathered his youngest, Hong Kong. Hong Kong was too young to be away from him, but right now it seemed like the best for him to be with Arthur. Arthur still had his own empire, it wasn't anything he wasn't used to and at least he knew that Leon would be safe there from Japan and the Germans. As much as he would love for Leon to be here with him among his Asian siblings, it simply wasn't safe anymore. Right now, China was resolved that he was in the right place.
Still, he could relate. Arthur always left many bodies in his wake and Yao was no exception. Yes, they were happy once, happy with a family even, but it was all a lie. Arthur couldn't help himself and instead of being honest, he drugged and manipulated Yao into the relationship. It was difficult to see through it for a long time but he knew how much it hurt.
But when it came to Kiku, his heart was still very much attached to him. He loved Kiku so much, but it wasn't the amount of love that Kiku obviously wanted from him. It was never supposed to be this way. Japan should have been with him, living at home where he belonged. But Japan was always the defiant one and now there was no more doubt about it. Kiku had shown him that he was grown up now and wanted to be completely obeyed.
What choice did China have but to be patient and wait.
So he listened to Japan and tried to take in what he said. "You make your own path as always Kiku. How you get there as always been determined by you. I am not hiding anything from you." He partially lied to him. He was hiding quite a bit from Kiku, but he believed it to be justified. Yao had finally caved and given himself to Japan in this, his strength was now his own. When would it be enough for him?
China never understood. He never did. All he ever saw when he gazed upon Kiku was a child who had defied him. A child who had thought he knew better. It wasn’t true! Not now and certainly never then. China never saw it.
Japan did not know who China’s mentor had been. Perhaps Yao had come into being and learned the hard way, all by himself, but when China had stumbled through the bamboo and found him, Kiku felt as if he’d seen the sun. There was a warmth that had drawn him to Yao; he could have ran into the thickets of shoots around him. Because there was never a reason he couldn’t have ran and lost the other Asian nation, did China not see that Japan had been looking for someone. The world he’d awoken to was new and all he had was a name. Nipon, Japan, Kiku. He’d been so frightened and everything had so loud and then there was Yao.
Yao who had picked him up, dried his tears, and taught him everything. The same Yao who had in the end loved him too much. He’d forced so much on him, held him too close, and yet Japan had always felt a distance between them. All he’d ever longed for was to close it. So he’d rebelled as China put it. He’d wanted to grow up. He’d wanted to become a strong nation, but not to turn and conquer the one who had taught him everything.
He’d wanted to be equal to China, aspire to achieve what he did all on his own. He wanted to show China that he could do it like he had. He’d looked up to him; China was his mentor, his sun and moon. China was his beginning and all he’d ever wanted was to be worthy.
Worthy, what a word. A word that filled him with agony as it reached clawed fingers and peeled back his mind and flayed his soul open and gaping. He imagined lying on the ground, bleeding out. What was his worth? Nothing anyone understood, but how could be shocked? Yao as always twisted it. Everything Japan did was to hurt him, to scorn him, to deny him as his teacher.
What if harm was all China could truly comprehend? Obviously, he’d seen and recognized that. If all China could understand was something held at the end of a blade and the cleave of his flesh, how else could Japan communicate? At least then he’d seen the fire in Japan, seen the hurt in those depths he thought nothing resided in. He understood sorrow and so Japan and become a harbinger of it.
What Japan wanted? To be seen as worthy by China, to be seen as the little child who had grown up. He wanted China to be proud of him and yet how he reveled in the fact that China was afraid of him. Kiku remembered being so terrified of China instinctively as a young nation. China could destroy him at single word and though he’d not…the power to was heady. The temptation must have been so intoxicating. Kiku knew the awe that China saw him with now certainly was, but it wasn’t really it.
“No, Yao,” he snapped. He sprung and turned to him. “No, you made my path! The moment I was brought from the bamboo that sprouted around me, it was you who told me what I should and shouldn’t be. You taught me to proud, to bring harmony. I am! I am trying! I am trying to fix things, Yao!” He turned his head away in determination and yanked all feeling away. “Yao-kun…Sensei…I have done all this to have you proud…I’m trying to…mend the tears.”
He squeezed his hands into fists, “And yet for all I am willing to lay before you, you and everyone else…all my brothers, my sisters, and you…You still dare to lie to me.” He met his gaze. “Stop lying to me, Yao! I learned deception from you, so don’t you dare think you can hide something from me.” His voice was quiet, deadly. He leaned forward. “You wanted us together, Yao…I have done it and now, only now you quiver in fear? Nothing is ever as sweet as we hoped.”
All Japan thought of was himself. It wasn't anything different when he was younger. Despite all of Yao's efforts, he could never get him to focus on the bigger picture. Kiku always had his own ideas on what things meant or how to do things or even how to say things! The fact that he made up his own language still upset him to this day. They used to be so happy together. When Kiku was young he'd take him everywhere in his bamboo basket backpack. He'd teach him everything about the world around him and the sky above him… But in the end, it didn't matter. He couldn't make Kiku be who he wanted him to be.
That didn't change that he loved him. Even if Kiku was a defiant brat that still was before him now it didn't change it. He loved Kiku and he always would. Sometimes it was just difficult for him to see that and he could respect and understand that. They'd had a lot of difference and if Japan was on the wrong path how could he see what he was doing was wrong? Even now China wasn't able to tell him, it wouldn't have been in his best interest. One thing that he couldn't deny was Japan's current place in the world. Despite how he'd managed to take it, it was now rightfully his. If China was doing it he would have had a lot more of the world and not let the German mess him over, but that was another story.
Perhaps the German and Kiku were more than that to each other. There might have been an element that he simply wasn't seeing but from his perspective, it looked like japan was rolling over to him. It couldn't last and he was hoping for Japans sake he'd wake up and realize it… Or maybe China could edge that on in some way.
The snap brought his mind back to where they were. Yao didn't budge when Kiku turned around so sharply to him. He'd seen the grit and the bite of Kiku's fury before and Yao wasn't about to back down to his own sibling. It wasn't the first tantrum he'd seen! He was supposed to be cross with him but as quickly as his voice raised it abandoned to shaken foundation. He could have argued, but there was little point in Kiku's current state. He listened to him completely, politely letting him finish.
Yao met his lean forward. "Shi…I wanted us together as a family." He accepted that. It was what Yao had wanted, just not exactly in this hierarchy. It would have been just as sweet as he wanted it to be if everything had gone his way, but once again Kiku had to make his own road and mess everything up for himself. "Calm down Kiku, I didn't mean to upset you. If you believe me to be a liar you need more than an accusation to convince me….But enough of that, you should take a walk with me instead and tell me about your plans now that you have your family."
He thought of himself to be strong. A mountain was only as strong as its foundation so did the peak berate the base because of its selfishness? No, it knew that the foundation needed to be large and greedy in order to stand strong. Because of the bottom, the peak could shimmer in the sun and take the compliments. It would be nothing without that staunch base, though. Thus was Kiku.
He had taken focus to himself in order to be strong and unmoving for his brothers and sisters, but never had he been selfish. All he'd done he'd done for his siblings. Japan thought beyond himself; he'd always beheld a bigger picture. China's dream of a unified Asia? It had been Japan's goal too. Yet he was not China, and that was the problem. He wasn't China and that was his sin. Yet did he love? He had once and he remembered it. He remembered the pure feelings he'd had for China so long ago.
Admiration, respect, and a deep need to please--he'd felt these as a young nation being carried around on China's back. He'd swallowed his words and then...He'd wanted to make China proud on his own. China hadn't been proud, though. He'd called him defiant, claimed he was trying to pull away. No, no…
Japan shook his head in the present. He'd been pushed away, tugged and given conflicted messages until he'd left because he didn't know what else to do or how to make China happy anymore. Yet his gaze had always been beyond himself, never self-centered. His country was not fascist nor communist, but it had never been 'I' achieve. 'We' achieve was the motto.
"No," he said to China, unmoving from his position and staring into his eyes. Let him be defiant then. China could question his motives question that he had not taken more. He was simply being patient. Why fight the West? Tensions were so there that it was only a matter of time before it fought itself and Kiku could wait. He would wait. Patience was always rewarded. So let China wonder what kind of relationship he had with Germany, if any.
He brought himself closer to Yao and reached out. It was easy to yank the tie from his hair and watch as the raven strands caught moonlight as they fell to frame the other's face. "I need no more than to know you, Yao…In the West they play chess, but here we play Go and other games of strategy. You're deceitful, we all are. And I? I'm simply biding my time like the patient snake. When I do find the secrets you covet from me…" He brushed Yao's hair behind his ear with a soft smile. He cupped his cheek and looked at him as if admiring art, beauty at its source. He brought his mouth close to China's. "Yao-kun, you've always been so beautiful…when I find out what you're hiding I'm going to watch your elegant features twist into agony over and over again…" He chuckled and then pressed his other hand to China's chest.
He pushed him down and snatched his wrists as he followed him. He pinned them above his head and hovered above him. He leaned down to his ear, "I like you like this…how about I tell you about my plans for you first."
Yao took it as a bit of a surprise when Kiku moved so forward to him. He tried to snatch his hand before it moved into his hair but he caught the tie and let his hair down. Strands of brown lightly touched his back and shoulders, falling gently in place. He was glad that he didn't have his hair up in his jade pin. The pin resided in a drawer in his room. The pin was precious to him, given to him by Ivan when the Russian was still just a boy. It was one of the most beautiful gifts he'd ever received and he planned to keep it forever. But here, he didn't dare put his hair up in it, not after all Kiku had been through with Russia. As much as it would have pleased him to spite him with it, Japan would just likely take it from him, or worse, destroy it.
He listened quietly as Japan secretly revealed more to him. He knew who Kiku was loyal to and that’s almost how it should be. He should be loyal to his people and the East but his family as well. He should be loyal to him, but for some reason this was always a difficult concept for Kiku. At every turn the boy managed to find a way to defy him and now that he was on top of the world, he planned to punish him further. Kiku came close and his heart beat faster, he didn't know what his intentions were now being this close. He really wasn't used to it, especially when he wasn't in control.
His words didn't ease his heart or mind anymore and before he could make a move to get away from him he found himself pinned down on his back. His wrists were bound and he found what looked like a very angry Kiku over him. Yao swallowed back his fear and tried to remain calm. It wasn't a secret that he couldn't overthrow him. Once he'd have been able to throw Kiku through a wall, but now he knew he couldn't even put pressure on his hands. Kiku wouldn't feel anything he did…and it was frightening to be underneath him.
"Kiku, I don't like the tone you're taking with me." He answered honestly, not really wanting to know what his plans were for him. He'd rather just walk around in blissful ignorance in Japan's home. Yao had known that Kiku had it out for him, but he didn't know how badly Kiku wanted to enact his misplaced rage. "Let go of me!" He snapped and squirmed underneath him before he finally added. "Please.." more out of preservation than anything. His back still stung from what he'd done to him the last time and he didn't want a repeat. Why couldn't Kiku just be good? Why couldn't he have just done what he was told!?
His heart pounded as he stared up at the great Empire of Japan. How far he'd come since the small little child he'd found in the bamboo thicket. His power was resonating off of him and China couldn't bare to look anymore. A heavy blush flushed over his cheeks and he turned his gaze away.
China so rarely wore his hair down. It softened his face and the strands were always akin to silk. China was double his age as a nation, but always so lovely. His skin had not a blemish above his clothes. Such delicate features that were almost feminine and yet undeniably handsome. Japan remembered hoping to grow up to be as beautiful as China. He had wanted to be just as alluring as the nation whose vibrant orient had inspired him so. He’d even been envious of China’s hair until his own had grown long and he’d begun to tie back as well. Maybe he’d now grow it again, though his shorter hair had become just as recognizable for him. As recognizable as the spite and fire he could read in Yao’s eyes.
The gift most precious to him would always be China’s tutelage; it was something China could never deny and never break. Those lessons could not be snatched from him and Yao was ever so precious to Kiku. He’d taught him to be loyal to his people, to the East, and Kiku had always been. He’d grown strong to protect his people, to aid his siblings, and when he failed to be able to intervene due to his own issues he burned in the shame he felt. Yet what China would never see was his loyalty to the elder and so in this moment he let it go. If he could be loyal to anyone who would recognize it, it would be himself. The man blind from ego did not deserve the pure praise given to him by a boy. And a perverse teacher China had been; lifting him and lifting him and then snatching the steps from underneath his feet. China would learn the true meaning of defy now and it would be a long, dark road for him.
Yes, Yao would be punished and all at Kiku’s leisure. The Asian nation never deserved something so much in his entire life. Japan didn’t consider himself on top of the world, but China did. China had considered himself there. Now he fell, he lost control, and the descent must have hurt.
Too bad Japan didn’t have any pity left, but he’d not punish him yet. No, no. China was precious to him. Always would be.
Kiku wasn’t angry. He was delighted, enthralled, absolutely enraptured at the image beneath him. The way Yao tried to remain calm made his heart beat faster and faster. The power he held now was intoxicating. Yao couldn’t push him off anymore, couldn’t fight him.
“Shhh, Yao-kun, shhh,” Kiku soothed from above him, “I’m not going to hurt you. I have nothing to hurt you for. After all, without you I wouldn’t be this strong now.” He smiled. China’s fear was making him drunk and every single jerk and twitch only furthered his enjoyment. “I want to thank you, Yao-kun…I want to show you how grateful I am.” He moved his hands and pressed them to Yao’s. He pressed China’s hand flat to the ground and intertwined their fingers.
Japan kissed the tip of his nose. “You’re so cute when you blush. You don’t have to be afraid, Yao…” He pressed his lips to a pinkened cheek and then the other. Then he shyly brushed his mouth against Yao’s.
Yao was just trying to remain calm through all of it. There was no way he would ever be able push Kiku off of him. It was a very sobering thought. Just a few short years ago he'd been able to put him down easily. His siblings attitude was getting out of control. But he wasn't the one that way going to be able to put it down, not now at least. Maybe after he'd gotten all of his future plans in place but right now it was too dangerous to even talk about. Sometimes, the best thing to do was watch and wait.
His promise of no harm didn't make him feel any better. At least he acknowledged that he wouldn't be where he was without him. That was something that more than Kiku tended to ignore or act like didn't happen. China was greatly responsible for all of his siblings success and he deserved to be treated with respect! He tried to steel his nerves and take Kikus hand in his own. He didn't squeeze back very hard but held it firmly enough to show that he was with him.
The kiss to the tip of his nose felt like static between them. He didn't mean to let red flush to his cheeks at all. If his hands were free he'd have already tried to rub the feeling away. Despite how much he wanted to get out from underneath Kiku, he couldn't deny that he was beautiful. There was a draw to him and a certain amount of power that made him alluring. Kiku has never been sore on the eyes and was always pleasant to look at.
The brush to his lips was the last straw though, he wasn't about to do this here, in a public place. "Kiku, you should get off of me. I know you don't want to hurt me. But I want up!" he snapped again, trying to make what he wanted explicitly clear. He'd be struggling more underneath him if it would even make a difference.
Yao wanted up. Kiku didn’t move or make any sign at first that he’d heard the elder yell such things at him, but he had. His dark eyes focused and he stared at Yao for several moments before his lids lowered. He ran his fingers over Yao’s not with force, but with tender reflection. “I don’t want to get up,” he finally whispered, “not yet.” He finally looked back to Yao and his body relaxed. He let sadness seep into the shape of his mouth, the way he bit in uncertainty at it. It slid into his voice as he sighed. “I just want to admire you…enjoy a moment of peace with you.”
Peace.
There was nothing peaceful in his heart. It did not matter what he felt hate, loneliness, fatigue, or regret. His thoughts jumped from one track to another like electricity across switches. In this moment there was no peace either. He could have laughed—he certainly wanted to. He’d threatened Yao, asked him if he wanted to harm him, and cooed like lacquered sweets into his ear. Maybe he should allow him up. He shut his eyes and tried to focus not on the thunder that cascaded in his head and the fury that sparked and caught flame in his chest. Hate what was the emotion useful for beyond blinding one like cloth over their eyes.
“I’ve only ever wanted to be as strong as you, Yao…and yet you and the others are all so…sad,” he pulled back and resigned himself. He let the resignation sink to the bottom like a peddle in a pond. He felt wetness gather in the corners of his eyes. “Sad and angry with me…you squirm to be free again. I just wanted to bring my siblings together, be a family again…Make Yao-kun proud of me,” he gathered his legs to his chest and circled them with his arms. “No one ever sees how much…I am loyal. They just fight me and I feel no choice but to subdue and make them submit.”
He leaned his chin on a knee and stared not at the expanse of star and sky, but the dark ink of the ground. He could feel the soft grass beneath his feet, but nothing more. Nothing but cold.
Yao certainly couldn’t settle in his current position. Considering everything that Kiku had done, how could he expect him to? Truth be told, yao had never been more terrified of the boy that he’d raised. Still, he tried to remain calm and in control underneath him. Peace was a subject that he couldn’t talk about right now. How Kiku could even utter the words after what he’d done was nothing short of a miracle. How could he say those words to him when his back still pulsed an opened wound? The worst part about it was he couldn’t even reach it to put make up on it.
He’s always been really good with make-up and used the products often on himself. He’d cover scars from previous things, keep his skin looking smooth and beautiful, not that he needed much help. Yao had always been able to look youthful even with his age. That was his own secret…
He listened to Kiku lament and try to make himself the victim. Kiku had only ever wanted to become strong, he’d managed to accomplish that. He’d only ever wanted them to be together again, he’d almost accomplished that. “There is much more to loyalty than that Kiku.” he squirmed and tried to adjust himself after Kiku let up. Finally he was able to raise up and get his clothing straight again. His heart settled and he tried to go back to counseling Kiku, which was only ever his motive.
“You cannot have loyalty without trust. If you cannot harmonize the two, then you will never have it for either.” Yao spoke softly and sat on his knees. Kiku may be one of the most powerful nations in the world right now, but he was still learning how to fill that position. In his eyes, it wasn’t a position that Kiku was ready to fill. “But I’ve always been proud of you Kiku, what a thing to say.” He shook his head as if the mention was ridiculous. At what point had he ever told Kiku that he wasn’t proud of him? He might have been a strong disciplinarian, but it was only because he loved his family enough to be one.